This weekend was the longest and most stressful I’ve had in a long long time…

Thursday: My wife gets told that she has potential problems with high blood pressure. She’s not on complete bed rest, but almost the same.. like couch-rest. No lifting, no bending. No climbing. No Shopping. And the worst of all, no travelling. So our trip to Canuckland in a couple weeks is gonna take a hit, with her having to stay home.

Friday: We go grocery shopping and Caitlin is helping me ‘unload’ the van. On the last trip, she instead runs out into the road. In front of a Volvo. The lady manages to stop with a couple of feet to spare, but she’s not happy, I’m not happy, Kelly’s not happy. And that means that Caitlin is not happy. She gets a spanking and sent to her room, then some talks about why she’s not supposed to run in the street. During her time in her room, I break down. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my entire life. Also, at some point, PG&E leaves the side gate open, which leads to…

Saturday: At 7:45 I go out to get Mac to take him to PetSmart for a bath & nail clip, and the side gate, wide open shows me that he’s gone. Nice. So we spend the entire day driving around the neighborhood, calling shelters and vet hospitals, vising the humane society, putting up fliers, posting on Craigslist, you name it. I’m supposed to go to hockey at 9:15 but instead, I fall asleep at 8:30 in my chair.

Sunday: Another visit to the Humane society. They’re such nice people. We find a description of a dog brought in saturday morning DOA and it amost exactly matches Mac. The lady goes into the freezer with a picture of Mac and comes back a few minutes later… Not him. Different facial features, no collar. (Good that it wasn’t him, but the not-knowing is killing us. Caitlin walks around saying ‘Where’s Macky daddy? He’s cold.”

Ever felt like maybe a Car accident or something might actually make you feel better?

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I’ve been feeling really really whatevery for the last while.. like no motivation, tired all the time, really burnt out.. I’m looking into moving to another group at work, and I’m taking a week off soon, so that’ll be good. I have a couple projects that I really want to work on, except that I’m like in this no-cares mode where I don’t have the desire to work on them even when I have the time. I wonder if I should start getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night?

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This week I’m driving a friend to work every day while his truck is being repaired. He works across the street at Lockheed-Martin, and his shift is 6-4. That’s right, 6AM. I can’t remember the last time I was up before 6.

I arise, bright and early at 5:09, coff-ay, shower, pick up Andy, Drive. No traffic at 5:30AM which I’m very thankful for, and there is a lot of fog this morning, so everything looked… softer I guess… not so much ‘urbania’ to clash on my senses.

And the smell… cool, relatively clean, wet.

I’m not really a morning person, but sometimes I wonder why?

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So it was my birthday last week and my wife got me some killer PS-2 games, and being the insensitive git that I am, we returned them and went a-hunting for other ones. Killer deals this weekend abounded. I got a new FFX for $19, and at Gamestop, Buy Prince of Persia, get Splinter Cell FREE! Of course we had to go to 2 different GameStop’s to find one that had Splinter Cell in stock.. but what the hey! I also found a copy of Resident Evil 2 for $9!! And I’ve started playing Prince of Persia. W. O. W. So far, it’s really, really, REALLY good. And I’m pretty critical when it comes to games. The motion and scenery is flawless. The fighting is hard, but not too hard. If you have a PS 2 and like Action/Adventure games, this one rocks.

A big hearty hug out to my wife for them!!

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Well.. I’m 29 today, on this somewhat trivial celebration of my day of birth. Please don’t think I’m bitter or sad, I just don’t make as big a deal about it.. I take all the good natured ribbing from my friends and family, and then just move on. I’m not afraid of being old, or being 30, or 40.. Life is one long journey, and just because you hit a signpost doesn’t mean you stop and celebrate.

I have a variety of friends, some younger, most older, and while most people lament (at least a little) the loss of their youth, I don’t. I am happier now than I was in my youth. And I keep hoping (without fruition as of yet) that as I get older, I’ll gain at least a little wisdom.

This year marks a lot of semi-significant dates… My Dad turns 70, my mom 60, their 30th Wedding anniversary, my 5th anniversary of sadly leaving the Great White North (a shout out to all the OSFL people, still there, fighting the fight) for the sunny sands of California, seeking fame fortune and happiness.

I’m not famous, I’m not rich, but I think I have found a little happiness, and hopefully found a bit more of myself. After high school I’m kind of amazed that I made it this far. Last year or the year before, my sister Mim sent me a killer little desk thing, and it has a few pictures and some quotations that I love and inspire me all the time.

“We all, at our own age, have to claim something; Even if it is only our own confusion.”

– This quotation gives me so much hope, knowing that even if all I have is anger, or resentment, or depression, that it’s mine, and that gives me some identity. In my mind, a lack of uniqueness and identity is a terrible thought.

“When you look on the moments of your life, you will find those which you have truly lived are moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

– This quotation gives me something to shoot for. The hope and ideal that when it’s all over, hopefully at some distant date, that I will be able to look back, and know that I loved, and was loved. Money, power, fame, achievement, career, education… These are all transient things. Love… That’s what life is all about.

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