hello. my name is tom, and i’m a windows user. (chorus: hello tom, welcome to windows anonymous).

i’ve been a windows user since my first 386, maybe 10 years ago. 3.1, 95, 98, 2000. by ‘user’ i mean it’s been my primary operating system, the one that i interact with most. i’m pretty familiar with linux, and have been running a linux server for various tasks at my house for a couple years, but didn’t use it for the day-to-day things. until a couple months ago, that is. right after i got my powerbook, i decided that i was going to do it. make the big switch. so i moved my e-mail and ide over to the idle linux machine in my cube and started coding.. and haven’t looked back. the only thing that i miss is trillian, the integrated chat client. i tried to use a couple open source ones that i found, like gabber, but couldn’t get them to work, they have reliance on too many 3rd party rpms that don’t seem to want to play together. i think i’m going to install abiword since staroffice word kinda sucks. and probably gnumeric since i’m going to remove staroffice entirely. but by and large, my transition was pretty seamless (except for the hours waiting for my mp3’s to copy over ;). and now that i’m on linux, i can’t even remember why i used windows. free updates! a n amazing package manager. free applications. who needs to pirate stuff when open source stuff is better than any commercial applications? now if people would start porting their games to linux, that would be the last step for me eliminating windows entirely. i must say, however, that the most recent 3 games that i have bought, (myst 3, safecracker, undying) were all for my mac. and diablo 2 runs on mac too. sorry microsoft, you’ve lost another.

—–

i have gotten a lot better about this, but i used to have to read for like an hour before i went to sleep, or i was unable to doze off. sometimes, however, i’ll get really into a book, just before bed and not want to sleep, so i’ll stay up “just a bit” and read more of it.. the last time this happened, i was reading ‘the cuckoo’s egg’ by cliff stoll – it’s a real-life tale of capturing a cracker. it’s a very compelling read. this weekend i picked up the 5th harry potter and started it, and when i started to read last night at around 10pm, i was at about page 500 or so (the book is ~860 pages).. and before i knew it, it was 1am and i was finished it. i dozed off immediately when i went to bed, but was plagued by potter dreams all night. i don’t usually dream, or if i do, i don’t remember them. oh well, i’m a little tired this morning, but not really any the worse for wear. yay for caffeine.

—–

i was thinking about one of my favorite movies on the way in to work today: throw momma from the train. there’s so many interesting little subplots and things to think about in it. and one thing that i think about often is owen, and how he wants so desperately to be a writer. so he takes a creative writing class, and one of the things that the teacher says to his class is: “a writer writes… always.” and different things i’ve read about becoming a writer say the same thing. if you want to be a writer, write. write often, about anything. that makes me think of 2 things: 1) practise. i guess that writing is like anything else, you need a lot of practise at it to be good. this kind of kills my romantic views about people who pour out a novel or poem from the heart, and replaces it with someone who sketches out an outline and then revises it over the course of days, weeks or months, crafting it into a moving piece of literature. i wonder about some of my own favorite poets and authors, like ginsberg and frost, and wonder if they worked like that? it almost seems to tarnish the emotion that their work evokes in me. another piece of my innocence lost i guess (that should be the topic of another one of my entries.) now on to #2: does a writer write constantly because they’re driven to? or do they force themselves to do it? my friend titus is a painter, i’ve talked to him, and he says that sometimes he just has to paint or sketch, just *has* to, like he’s driven to do it. he has to carry a sketchbook around in case he gets struck by something that he needs to get down. are ‘real’ writers like that? (i guess i don’t even know what i mean by ‘real’ writers – are they people who are extremely gifted? or people who are, for a lack of a better term, good wordsmiths?) are people driven to document, report, create, and write for some reason? or is it just a desire to share with others? does it act as a catharsis for your brain, heart or soul? sometimes i feel like i have these urges to write or draw, or create, or make music, and can’t find the right form, melody, or words to express the idea or feeling, and too often i’m just left with a feeling of frustration that i can’t get it out of me. like now. i re-read what i’ve just written and it’s ok, but doesn’t really say what i’m feeling. i guess i’ll just have to try again.. and again.. and hope that eventually i’ll get it right.

—–

so i have 3 computers in my cube, a windows machine, a linux machine(my regular desktop) and a solaris server. sometimes i get so into whatever i’m doing that i forget what machine i’m on, and since i derive my physical location in space from where i’m sitting, if i incorrectly know what machine i’m on, then i get really freaked out when things in my cube make a spatial jump. as a for instance, i was surfing this morning, reading through some stuff, really in the zone, and realized it was almost time for lunch, so i went to pull up a windows share on one of our local servers, which i usually do on my windows machine (which i incorrectly thought i was on) and i spent literally a couple seconds staring at my gnome icons wondering where the start menu had gone, then turned around to where i thought the door to my cube should have been, and got freaked when i saw the wall. i closed my eyes and re-focused, then realized what had happened. then i realized that it has happened before, and although isn’t a frequent occurance, it happens enough to get freaked out about it. i’m thinking that maybe a kvm switch might be necessary to keep me from going nuts.

—–

so i’m back from my trip. my cousin is married and i’m sick of travelling (again – it always seems like i hate to travel). i like going places, i just hate being crammed in a plane like hostages, listening to the lady behind me talk about her trip to guademala two years ago, and how she’s still in love with the country. live in the now! i also am sick of hotels, and hotel beds. i’m sure i’ll get over it in time for my camping trips. i’m looking forward to them, and hopefully they’ll be relaxing :). my work seemed to fare fine without me, reinforcing my view that i’m just another faceless grunt in the cubefarm. i have a ton of things that are pulsating and trying to escape me, and i am hoping that some day, at some point in my life i’ll be able to get them out. i have essays and entries and stories to write. i have software to create, things and people to photograph, places to visit, and my family to love. and i feel restricted by my frickin job. i really am learning to despise it. i don’t really like the position i have, and the company is getting wayyy too beauracratic. i’d like to live out in the country and enjoy a slower pace of life. jwz has some strong opinions on san jose, and i agree with some of them.. if you could live anywhere, and do anything, what would you do? really? i’d like to live in the midwest, near a nice lake where i could go swimming and fishing. and i’d like to be a teacher. i think i could do that, and enjoy it. what would you enjoy, gentle reader?

—–