so i have 3 computers in my cube, a windows machine, a linux machine(my regular desktop) and a solaris server. sometimes i get so into whatever i’m doing that i forget what machine i’m on, and since i derive my physical location in space from where i’m sitting, if i incorrectly know what machine i’m on, then i get really freaked out when things in my cube make a spatial jump. as a for instance, i was surfing this morning, reading through some stuff, really in the zone, and realized it was almost time for lunch, so i went to pull up a windows share on one of our local servers, which i usually do on my windows machine (which i incorrectly thought i was on) and i spent literally a couple seconds staring at my gnome icons wondering where the start menu had gone, then turned around to where i thought the door to my cube should have been, and got freaked when i saw the wall. i closed my eyes and re-focused, then realized what had happened. then i realized that it has happened before, and although isn’t a frequent occurance, it happens enough to get freaked out about it. i’m thinking that maybe a kvm switch might be necessary to keep me from going nuts.

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so i’m back from my trip. my cousin is married and i’m sick of travelling (again – it always seems like i hate to travel). i like going places, i just hate being crammed in a plane like hostages, listening to the lady behind me talk about her trip to guademala two years ago, and how she’s still in love with the country. live in the now! i also am sick of hotels, and hotel beds. i’m sure i’ll get over it in time for my camping trips. i’m looking forward to them, and hopefully they’ll be relaxing :). my work seemed to fare fine without me, reinforcing my view that i’m just another faceless grunt in the cubefarm. i have a ton of things that are pulsating and trying to escape me, and i am hoping that some day, at some point in my life i’ll be able to get them out. i have essays and entries and stories to write. i have software to create, things and people to photograph, places to visit, and my family to love. and i feel restricted by my frickin job. i really am learning to despise it. i don’t really like the position i have, and the company is getting wayyy too beauracratic. i’d like to live out in the country and enjoy a slower pace of life. jwz has some strong opinions on san jose, and i agree with some of them.. if you could live anywhere, and do anything, what would you do? really? i’d like to live in the midwest, near a nice lake where i could go swimming and fishing. and i’d like to be a teacher. i think i could do that, and enjoy it. what would you enjoy, gentle reader?

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i can’t hit our printer, can’t hit our frickin source server, and the help desk hasn’t answered me at all. i’m getting really really pissed. how the hell am i supposed to work under these circumstances?

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i leave tomorrow night at 7pm.. that’s just over 20 hours from now. i have printed out signs that count down by hours, and every hour i hang another one from the ceiling. i’m down to 20 hours, and counting… counting..

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i’m going mad, mad i tell you – mad as a hatter – it’s the only way. everyone here is a parasite, an evil worm that wants to burrow into your ear, and make you into a drone, or worse – a marketer.

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