i play in my church’s band, and we practise every wednesday night which is cool, since for the last 5 or 6 years the only time i seem to ever even get my guitar out is for practise & church. our bass player is fantastic. his name is titus and he’s an artist. (no, seriously.) he’s a painter and he’s currently doing a 25 piece set of paintings that are reflections of black people as appearing in 19th century art. really funky stuff. anyways, this morning i was thinking about him and how he’s really doing it.. living his dream. he’s always wanted to be an artist, and he’s finally starting to make it. he’s got a show coming up in february to display his new series, and he’s got some patrons that regularly buy his art. then i started thinking about me, and how for as long as i can remember i’ve been just coasting through life. just doing enough to get by, not really giving my all in most things. i’ve become a lot more consistent in recent years, but i’ve still pretty much just dealt with things as they come. now i’ve got a family and a house, a 9 to 5 job (none of which i could have possibly imagined 5 years ago) in fact, during high school and college i thought that one of the worst possible fates would be this. now i love it, but sometimes i wonder if there’s something that i’m missing. occasionally i get a drive to do something, to make a difference, make myself known, but i lack direction, and most notably, my passion seems to peter out quickly. and now i’m coasting and really feeling like i lack direction in my life. i love my wife & daughter but is there something that i should be working for? some bigger picture? a forest that i can’t see? a huge pile of tired cliche’s that i can’t see over? ;) man i’m starting to harsh my buzz, i’d better knock it off before i get down on myself.

“care to join me in a belt of scotch?”
“mr hutz, it’s 9 in the morning!”
“that’s alright, i haven’t slept in days!”

—–