my dad had throat cancer and had his voice box removed in the summer of 2000. he had radiation therapy and managed an almost complete recovery. that was 3 years ago.
now he’s been diagnosed again, and i wonder what kind of struggle he will have to go through to fight it again. he’s almost 70, but one of the most solid people i’ve ever met. i realize he probably has a tough battle to go through, possibly including surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, which i wouldn’t wish on anyone, and in the long run, some people might think is it worth it?
is it worth the pain and suffering and operations and drugs just to get one or two more years? well, in the last three years, there have been so many things happen, just in our own family, such as

watching two children get married

the birth of his first grandchild

seeing three children graduate university

and if he were to live 3 or 5 more years, how much more could he see? just looking at that list, i think that any one of them would be worth fighting for.
then that brought me to another thought. i am a father, and a husband. when i made the decision to get married, and further, when my wife and i made the decision to have children, my life suddenly was no longer my own. not that i am unable to make decisions concerning my life, but now i must consider their impact on my family.
so that brings me to my question. does my dad have an obligation to my mom, my sisters and brothers, and to me, and my wife and daughter to try to spend as many more years, months, or even days with us as he can? is it ethical for him to decide not to undergo surgery or chemo or any therapy that might prolong his life?
please understand that i’m not making any judgements or engaging any moral imperatives here, i’m just raising the question. never having been in a similar situation, i can’t possibly imagine the mindset, or the different flood of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that must go into such a decision.
the other thing that i know must be thought about, with regards to the ‘is it worth it’ argument, is will it have any effect? it’s possible to have all the operations and therapy in the world and it have little or no effect. the other side of the coin, of course, are the survivors. the people who beat it once, twice, or many times.
when i was about 12 or 13, a friend of my mom’s was found to have cancer, all through her. her doctor performed a double masectomy, removed her uterus and she was told that with aggressive chemo and radiation, she could live another 4 to six months. she went through hell for 4 months, the most debilitating therapy that anyone could go through. that was 16 years ago, and she is fully healthy today, no recurrences, and is as strong a sign that this can be overcome as you could want. i know that things don’t always turn out that way, but for now, that’s a hope that i can cling to.

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