Here’s an excerpt of a conversation with my friend Jon that I had this morning.

Me: and *then*
Jon : and *then*
Me: God hit me with something else
Which, as an aside, really frustrates me sometimes
Kelly & I have been going back and forth about staying at the journey, etc
and how does it affect the kids, us, blah blah
And I had a realization: That if God *does* keep us at the journey, for WHATEVER reason, that I can’t just sit by and ‘attend’. I have to put enough faith in God that he’s got me here for a reason, and that it’s easy to be a servant, with a servant’s heart when you love or are passionate about the person (or church) that you’re serving, but he calls us (and, unfortunately, that includes me) to serve him and his church EVEN WHEN I’m disgruntled and upset and don’t want to. That I need to get over my pride and serve in the place he brings me, inside the restrictions, despite all the issues and people and frustrations and anger, because otherwise I’m saying that I don’t have enough faith in Him and his plan. I can’t just glide by
Jon:
Me: So.. that’s where I’m at. I’m asking God to let me know where I should be
and to soften my heart enough to serve there, no matter what goes on
Jon: wow
?
Jon: humility SUCKS
Jon: Saint Francis, BITE ME
Me: *sigh*
I feel like God’s really tearing me down
like I had all this hope about what the journey ‘might’ be and that was all mixed up with what *I* wanted and thought a church should be
Jon: oh yes
Me: and when that didn’t materialize, some of that turned into pride, and anger, and then ‘righeousness’
Jon: especially with the relaunch
Me: Exactly
like “THIS ISN’T WHAT GOD WANTS”
but that was coming from my own ideas of what *I* wanted church to be
and He’s trying to tell me: “Tom, I want YOU to serve others. Not push people into serving others. Not push people to change. You. Get down on your knees and wash some feet.”
And…. I don’t know if I can
?
Jon: sucketh, but what you just wrote is beautiful